Turn On Your Radiohead

15 10 2007


By Jill Ettinger

There is no rock band in history more important than Radiohead. If you don’t know who they are, that doesn’t matter. Just keep reading.

After the whole hyper-teenage-pseudo-machismo geetar playing annoyance of the 60’s, 70’s and (the really painful) 80’s, all the way up through five minutes ago, there is finally relief. Waving us into the future, humble lads (again?) hailing from the land of toast and tea, proving that Stonehenge is definitely a major intergalactic direct transmission portal to badass superalien lifeforms. In fact, Radiohead is most obviously a future culture commissioned to Earth to save the human race from self-destructing. This is precisely how powerful their music is.

Their latest mission by far the most challenging. They’ve previously recorded half a dozen albums, but none clearly as deliberately genius as In Rainbows. It’s been four years since their last outing, Hail to the Thief (important solo transmissions since then were recorded by lead singer Thom Yorke and guitarist/effects man Jonny Greenwood), which is also precisely the amount of time in light years it takes to track down the right mixture of nebula dust, asteroid crystals, black hole cobwebs and sunburst fractals, the exact ingredients needed to unlocking the door to human evolution. (Sure, you’ll likely say we’re always evolving, and that all of those things I just mentioned are made up silliness. You’d be half right. What I meant to type was that these things cause INSTANT evolution, as in warp speed jump to the final scene in The Last Mimzy.) Radiohead are frequency altering other-worldly alchemists, donning human hipster musician costumes so as not to frighten us with their magic powers.

So while good folks like Leonardo DiCaprio and George Clooney tool around Hollywood in hopes of human betterment through digital film technology, Radiohead politely offers earthlings the chance of a lifetime on In Rainbows. Throw all your beliefs about music, your genre preferences and ethnomusicology nonsense into the compost pile and let them rot. Step into the world of living on beams of colored light and like the recording suggests, perhaps it’s time we all get “Nude” and dine on “Weird Fishes/Arpeggi” while building a “House of Cards” out of “Bodysnatchers.” Music will probably cease to exist after everyone on the planet listens to this record (which is obviously why Yorke sings “one by one” on the opening track “15 Step”). We’ll all start floating and reading minds and realize that we actually are living inside the song “Faust Arp.”

Radiohead, further proving their alien world origins has put the onus on their listeners of naming their own price for the record by downloading it from their website directly, paying whatever they see fit. But this is actually a trick, as this album is completely invaluable. Imagine if Jesus showed up in the middle of Shea stadium. What would they charge to see him? I mean, he’s only God’s son… In Rainbows frees all the lost souls of paradise and brings peace to the world. This is the album, whether you know it or not, you’ve waited your entire life for.




One response

15 10 2007
gospel music » Turn On Your Radiohead

[…] I came across this post – Turn On Your Radiohead – that I thought was worth sharing.Hope you enjoy […]

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